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FeaturedBezos accidentally sells Entire company on prime day for 17.99$
In what will almost certainly change the future of e-commerce for centuries to come, Jeff Bezos, owner of AMAZON (NSDQ:AMZ), has accidentally sold the entire company on Prime day for 17.99$. The Company valued at 1 Trillion dollars, was sold to 22 year old, amateur rap artist, Mikey Schlitz or better known by his rap… Read more
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SPRING BREAKERS GATHER FOR ANTI- COVID19 MARCH
In an effort to eradicate the virus that has crippled the world, an estimated 900,000 college kids gathered on a Miami beach to protest the spread of COVID-19. The massive crowd, largely made up of college kids whose spring break was cancelled, was organized on Tik Tok by leader @JohnnyBigBalls. “We need to let this… Read more
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Epstein island explodes. FBI Claims “Toaster malfunction”
“Yeah, man looks like someone left the toaster plugged in, blew up the entire island–i don’t know” This was the reason given by Acting Director of the FBI, Johnathan Wright. The island named Little Saint James island, or more aptly titled by the locals “pedophile island” is said to be ground zero for the rapes… Read more
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Lebron and Anthony davis Restructure deals for veteran minimums; sign $30 million space jam 2 salaries
The NBA was rocked last Saturday when the Lakers traded for NBA superstar Anthony Davis. However, that excitement was soon calmed when it was revealed that due to timing the Lakers would only have $23 million in Cap room with only 3 players currently signed. Then out of sheer selflessness and desire to win Lebron… Read more
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NBA GM reveals he uses espn nba mock draft to make pick.
An NBA GM who wishes to remain anonymous has admitted today that he simply used ESPN’s mock draft to decide who he will be taking during Thursday’s draft. The Mysterious GM, who is picking 8th in this years NBA draft, admitted that its pretty well established the order that players should be picked and who’s the… Read more
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Alex morgan to miss world cup game; Cant get applebee’s shift covered
Alex Morgan will miss her World Cup Match against Chile this Sunday after she failed to get her shift at Applebee’s covered. Morgan who has been working at Applebee’s for the last 8 years to cover expenses believe she had her shift covered but when Beth, a single mother of 3, twisted her ankle on… Read more
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New Police Sketch For Toronto Strangler looks suspiciously like Steph Curry.
On June 9th, 2019 the Toronto Sheriff’s department released the an updated police sketch rendering of the man they believe to be responsible for dozens of strangle deaths in the Toronto Area over the last 20 years. Many have been quick to point out it looks suspiciously like Golden State Warriors star guard… Read more
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Kawhi Leonard posts resume on Indeed.com — Questionable for Game 1
Kawhi Leonard, arguably the best player in the league and leader of the Eastern Conference champion Toronto Raptors sent shock waves through the league earlier today when he posted his resume on the popular job hosting site Indeed.com.
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New Report shows Backstreet Boys responsible for killing Osama Bin Laden
CNN has obtained a new report showing that Seal Team Six, the ultra elite and high level group of trained assassins that carried out the Raid on the compound that killed Osama Bin Laden was partly made up by all 5 members of the Backstreet Boys.CNN’s Anderson Cooper was able to obtain confidential documents that… Read more
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Smarty Jones wins 15th Straight Kentucky Derby
In a stretch of dominance that may never be seen again Smarty Jones, born Horse #678-92, has won the Kentucky derby for the 15th year in a row. In a race that is dominated by 3 year olds an 18 year old Smarty Jones winning is truly hard to believe. “At an… Read more
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The Winchester Weekly 