Category Archives: entertainment

Bezos accidentally sells Entire company on prime day for 17.99$

In what will almost certainly change the future of e-commerce for centuries to come, Jeff Bezos, owner of AMAZON (NSDQ:AMZ), has accidentally sold the entire company on Prime day for 17.99$.

The Company valued at 1 Trillion dollars, was sold to 22 year old, amateur rap artist, Mikey Schlitz or better known by his rap name Lil Fungus.

“I went on Amazon looking for a fire stick and saw a weird posting title Amazon Stock: 17.99$.” said Lil Fungus. “ I’m not big into numbers so I wasn’t sure if 78 Million stocks in Amazon was worth 17.99$ but i had money left on a gift card from my rehab graduation party and shipping was free so I rolled the dice.”

As to how such a tragic thing could happen we asked a man who was in Amazon headquarters at the time, Chief Marketing Officer, Tyler Downs. “During our temporary flash deals we send messages to Product Specialists for immediate upload for quick sale. One of our senior employees, accidentally sent the file ‘CEO Stock Options’ instead of ‘Cell Phone Holder’ and a careless intern uploaded the information without review.

(Picture Above) Jeff Bezos after clearing out his office

Unfortunately for ex-Amazon CEO and current unemployed, divorced, bald, middle aged man, Jeff Bezos, his signature is required on so many documents that it is electronically generated on all documents that require his signature. Thus becoming legally binding.

While the deal is sure to be fought in court, and it is worth noting that Lil Fungus plans to represent himself, Amazon’s Merchant/Customer policy explicitly states, any product/service bought on any merchant’s sight will be honored at price sold even if caused by error.

When asked what he plans to do with his newfound wealth Lil Fungus responded with a solid business plan, simply saying “Dope Shit” before he rode off on his skateboard. The Market does not seem to share his enthsiasm as stocks for Amazon have dropped 3,000,000,000%.

New Police Sketch For Toronto Strangler looks suspiciously like Steph Curry.

     On June 9th, 2019 the Toronto Sheriff’s department released the an updated police sketch rendering of the man they believe to be responsible for dozens of strangle deaths in the Toronto Area over the last 20 years. Many have been quick to point out it looks suspiciously like Golden State Warriors star guard Steph Curry.

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New Report shows Backstreet Boys responsible for killing Osama Bin Laden

CNN has obtained a new report showing that Seal Team Six, the ultra elite and high level group of trained assassins that carried out the Raid on the compound that killed Osama Bin Laden was partly made up by all 5 members of the Backstreet Boys.CNN’s Anderson Cooper was able to obtain confidential documents that showed all the names of those involved on the raid that murky night in May 2011. Curiously,  5of those 13 names Cooper saw were  Nick Carter, Brian Littrell, Howie Dorough, Kevin Richardson, and AJ Mclean.

Too Big to be a coincidence CNN reached out to Senior White House Military Office official Keith Davis who confirmed that those were the same 5 90s teen heart-throbs that crafted the Iconic song “I Want It That Way.”

We asked Mr. Davis if he could elaborate on how this pairing came about as the Backstreet Boys have not made public their training as high level Assassins, and quite frankly, no one ever thought to ask. “ We’ve been working with the boys for about a decade and a half now. We first approached them back in 2005 to play the party of a Mexican Drug Dealers who’s daughter loved the group and they were our only way to gain access . Since we obviously could not get armed SEALs through the door we had to train the Boys to work as a unit and kill if necessary.” Davis stated.

CNN was still curious as to how the relationship was maintained after a 15 years and Davis elaborated, “ Well, they took so well to that 2005 mission that some of us became convinced they’ve killed before. It was actually Brian Littrell who approached us and said the group, who at the time were struggling , was eager for their next mission. Initially we laughed but then realized there were many covert missions we could use them for. We used them any time we needed to create a scene at a mall, festival, bachelorette party or festival. However it soon became clear that the way these 5 guys worked together through years of choreography, travel, and touring created a level on synchronicity that rivaled those of SEALs that went through BUDs training.”
We pushed further into how they became apart of the Bin Laden raid. “Simple, they became our best SEALS. After 6 years of training, obviously taking breaks for TRL, Radio Interviews, and the occasional college show, all 5 of the guys became military legends in their own right. When Obama approached and said we need a team in 1 hr to deploy to Pakistan, everybody in the room said in unison “ Get us the Backstreet Boys now!!! We deployed the F16s to pick them up at Q102’s summer fest within 30 minutes they were strapped and ready to kill the leader of Al-Queda.”

It is unclear as to what capacity the Backstreet Boys still work with the Navy Seals as they are gearing up for a new 5 month world Tour. However, we did some research, and on November 10th, 2018 when North Korea spontaneously mobilized their troops and nuclear bombs, the Backstreet Boys canceled their Las Vegas Residency Show that night. They Stated it was due to vocal cord injuries but the next day North Korea backed off their mobilization and has not done so since. We can not be sure this was the work of the Backstreet Boys but it is curious.

1 Month until Release; The Avengers hasn’t begun filming

Marvel brass are scrambling to put together a film, after learning that the Final Avengers film due out April 26th, that is set to be the biggest box office smash of all time, has not begun filming.Calling it a gross oversight Marvel lead Kevin Feige is still not sure what happened. “ We were schedule to film the movies back to back and when we wrapped the 1st script everybody assumed that was it” said Feige.

Continue reading 1 Month until Release; The Avengers hasn’t begun filming