An NBA GM who wishes to remain anonymous has admitted today that he simply used ESPN’s mock draft to decide who he will be taking during Thursday’s draft.
The Mysterious GM, who is picking 8th in this years NBA draft, admitted that its pretty well established the order that players should be picked and who’s the best talent so there’s no need to go through, and its worth noting that he actually used his own air quotes for this next part, “workouts” and “combine shit”.
The GM who’s name will not be revealed, who’s roster currently consists of Tre Young, Vince Carter, and Kent Bazemore admits to using this strategy for years. “Look, ESPN has 100s of analysts on the payroll, 1000s of hours of research, former scouts and players; They’ve already done all the work for me. I’d be dumb to waste money on my own staff to do the same exact thing, and honestly, probably do a worse job” said the GM from a city in Georgia. “They do a great job in breaking down players stats, highlights, pros, cons, and potential. They’re really quite amazing. I feel quite confident in who they’ve told me to pick.”
This unknown GM, who’s mascot is a Hawk, also told us how there we’re no repercussion to his decision. “These players don’t even hit their potential for 5-7 years so by the time we realize if I made the right choice I’ll be long gone with a different team. Also, by drafting Cam Reddish, it takes all the pressure off me. If he pans out then I’m a genius but if he doesn’t then he’s just a guy with alot of potential that didn’t fit in the league. However, if I take a risk, by doing my own research, and the player is a bust, then that’s my fault. I’d rather not have that pressure on me.
There does seem to be a kink in the Armour of this plan. What if somebody drafts the player you wanted to draft ahead of you, what do you then? “We have TVs in the draft room, we just listen to the draft broadcast on ESPN, and have them tell us who the next best player available is and who is the best fit for us” he told us. “ I don’t expect that to happen as about 26 GMs in the league use this same strategy.”
It is worth noting that this method is not foolproof. “The ESPN Mock Draft strategy”,mas we’re told it has become to be known as in NBA GM circles, also called for Markelle Fultz to be the #1 pick in 2017. New 76ers GM Brian Colangelo, believed in the Mock Draft and bought into the Fultz hype. He then used a trade scenario he found on Buzzfeed to acquire the #1 pick who turned out to be a bust.
“Yea, the Buzzfeed trade is infamous around here. We told him to stick to ESPN’s suggestions but he was new and trying to be innovative” the GM said.
The anonymous GM, who will be drafting Cam Reddish, appreciated our promise to keep his identity a secret and gave us some quick insight into how the rest of the league is run. “Adam Silver determines suspensions based on the 1st suggestion he sees on Twitter” which shocked us. However this next revelation was always painfully obvious. “Marketing determines commercial ideas by lying out a board with player’s names, random words, and business names, cutting of multiple chickens’ heads, and seeing what names/words they die on. That then becomes the basis for the commercial.